When to seek professional help for your relationship problems
Monday, March 29th, 2010
There are now a large number of therapists and relationship counselors who are experienced in couple therapy, and if there is no improvement as a result of your own efforts, especially if this is due to your being unable to cooperate together well enough to make progress with the relationship advice you have read about, you may wish to consider referring yourselves, or getting a referral (perhaps from your doctor) to a therapist or relationship counselor. The waiting list for relationship counseling organizations is sometimes rather long, but there are private therapists/counselors available.
Points to remember
It is often better to consider labeling a problem as being a relationship problem rather than one person’s ‘illness’ because that way there is more possibility of solving it.
When people differ in personality they may see the partner as being ‘ill’ when there isn’t really anything wrong, just a clash of personalities.
Couples can have problems with closeness and distance, and this may lead to conflict.
If one partner needs to do something on a regular basis that the other partner dislikes, you may think of arranging a ‘timetable’ in which you agree to do it on a regular but controlled basis: this legitimizes the activity without making it unbearable for the other partner.
If you can’t see your partner’s point of view, you could try ‘reversed role-play’ in which you have a discussion taking each other’s role (putting forward your partner’s point of view).
If you never argue, you might try exploring the process of arguing by having a trivial argument in which you keep it light and humorous, but end by ‘agreeing to differ’.
Couples can be stressed by third parties, whether children, parents, friends, work or leisure activities.
Suggestions are made for how to deal with each of these stresses as a couple.
If all else fails, you could decide to live as ‘housemates’ for the sake of avoiding the trauma that divorce would cause for the children.